The Challenge: For the next two days (Friday and Saturday), I have doctor appointments. One of which is to my Pulmonary Hypertension doctor. I’m not excited about this appointment at all. I keep telling myself to just get through it and I won’t have another one for another 3 months. I can do this. I can do this. I CAN do this because of my reward!!!
The Reward: For this reward, I will be little miss perfect patient. In fact, I think my husband, K, has already planned this reward for me. I’m so excited!!! If you don’t know me personally, I am a big Twilight fan. Not a fanatic but I really enjoyed the books (which I have the Audio version) and the movies are pretty good! So, if you can’t guess what my awesome reward is yet, I’ll tell you! In a few days, Breaking Dawn pt. 2 is coming out on DVD!
To keep me going one foot in front of the other in life, battling the bad days with the few good days mixed in, rewards help me move forward. It doesn’t have to be a big reward like the movie I just mentioned. It can be as small as a stop at the ice cream store to get a sundae or as simple as taking a break to crochet. The rewards are always relaxing to allow me a chance to power back up, to re-energize. If they didn’t do that, then they wouldn’t be very rewarding, right? Having something to look forward to really helps me stay focused on positive things in life. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll sing this song: “Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what beautiful day, I got a beautiful feeling… everything’s going my way…” (from the movie, “Oklahoma!”)
One day when I was about 6 or 7 years old, I was lying on the carpet of my parent’s family room watching television. A commercial came on and it was for the Duracell battery. Back then I was really into commercial jingles. I pretty much knew them all and sang along with the commercials. You remember the “Ding, ding, DONG!” of the Duracell ad, right? The coppertop battery! Well, it was on this day that this commercial came on that, for some reason, I had placed my hand over my left ear during the “ding, ding, dong” part (well it was SO loud, wasn’t it?). I made a huge discovery. My right ear didn’t work so well. I tested my left ear and it worked just fine. So like I said, I’m only 6 or 7 years old – making this discovery on my own – and I’m about to let my mom know my big news!
I’m telling my mom the big news and she’s like wearing this facial expression that’s hard to describe. It reminds me of the Seinfeld tv show when the phrase, “Serenity Now!” was popular. I’m her child and she’s been through so much with me. There was the tube feeding from one month old when she finally was able to bring me home from the hospital, my first spine fusion with the halo traction, and all those doctor appointments in between the heart catherizations. Now, it was my ear?? That was something unexpected. So, it was another round of doctor appointments and a surgery that fixed nothing. Now, I’m without hearing in my right ear.
It’s funny though because my sisters grew up with me like this and they still forget that they have to walk on the left side of me so that I can hear what they are saying. I’ve had many challenges in my life but this one makes me laugh every time I think about the Duracell battery commercial.
Today, I’m struggling. I feel really tired and unwell. So, I’m making today a lazy day and hope that tomorrow I’ll bounce back to my normal self again. Here I am sitting on the couch watching tv, crocheting a little bit and soon I will take another short nap for the day. It’s so frustrating to feel like this because there are things I need to do. But I will be smart and rest today so I can play tomorrow.
Yes, I was so scared but not for a life or death moment. It was that I was scared that Valentine’s Day would feel like a flop to me because I didn’t know if I would be well. I sometimes play these little internal battles with myself about things that I look forward to. But when the time comes, I tend to sabotage them. I get so worried about what could happen before a possible fun event if I get too tired, that things just fall apart before the event happens. I hope I’m making sense.
If you read yesterday’s post, you’ll know that I had a migraine headache. Those effect my heart rate, breathing and endurance. I didn’t know how I would feel today. When I get worried like that, I will start procrastinating the planning of what I will do to make that day or event great for me and my husband. However, today I surprised even myself. I woke up and immediately got out of bed. Sorry puppy for missing our usual bonding morning ritual. I put it in my mind that I was going to do this thing called Valentine’s Day celebration! First thing first, I texted my husband to ask his ETA on arriving home. Then the first snag occurred. Mother of Pearl!!!!!! (thanks Spongebob! I love that swear!) Oh yes, it is Oxygen Refill day. Time to rearrange my schedule for the day… sigh
I’m thinking to myself, weighing all things and deciding what is priority. Do I really want to go to the movies today or can I hold out for a Saturday showing of “A Good Day to Die”? Strange title for a movie, I know… =o) Anyhoo, I went to the pharmacy and the grocery store because I forgot to buy lemons and while there (I went to Walmart — one stop shopping) I bought MORE yarn! YEA! A girl can never have too much yarn (if she’s uses it, that is!). By the way, I finished my last project: a Lapghan. You can see it in my “Hobbies” section. There’s no home for it yet. I’m still looking for someone who needs a hug. Ok, I’m getting distracted yet again.
I have energy today. I want to make dinner for tonight but K doesn’t know if he will take me out to dinner. He doesn’t know that I am willing to postpone the movie until this weekend. He’s not really into going to the movie in theaters but he knows how much I want to see this movie. After, Walmart, I hot-rolled my extremely thick and long hair which took 2 sets of hot rollers but I think it turned out looking good. Once again, all our plans revolve around the Oxygen refill guy and when he gets here.
Today started out with immediate drama from before I even opened my eyes. I was all snuggly warm in bed and I hear this retching noise beside me. No it’s not my husband because he was already at work. It was the pup. Now, I don’t know how many people can just come fully alert from a deep sleep to keep a pup from hurling in your bed but I did pretty darn well. I’m actually kind of proud of myself. And hey! At least it wasn’t on my side! *big grin*
After that fiasco, I decided to get out of bed. I immediately realized that I have a missed text on my cellphone. It said, “Wait for me to go grocery shopping…” I was like.. “SWEET!” My husband remembered about today’s errand! (What a good man, huh?) When grocery shopping is scheduled, I tend to rest all day until we go. It’s a real energy drainer for me. I decided to find a movie on Netflix to watch but the one I selected was pretty intense. By the end of the movie I was feeling a huge headache and nauseation coming on fast. It was only 12:30pm and I was heading back to bed. Obviously, my body needed to really relax. The only way I can do that is to rest while using my bipap machine which I use with oxygen. Thankfully, by the time my husband got home from work, my headache was mostly gone to the background.
K knows that when I have a headache like that it means that everything I do has to be done much slower. My oxygen saturation will drop fast and my heart rate will increase easily. A migraine affects my whole body and it is a drag. When I need a rest, K will tell me to hop on the end of the grocery cart and he’ll push me up and down the aisles. Just like how everyone did as a kid! It’s great! I am not embarrassed at all to do it either! Who cares that I’m 43 years old and riding on the end of the cart. At least I’m out of the house and being mobile. Am I right, or what???
My husband once told a doctor that how I approach not being able to do certain things I was able to do before is to find another way to do it. If something makes me really, really tired by doing it, I will find some other way to do it. Here’s a simple example: I have really long hair (down to my waist) and it’s very tiring to wash it. So, I bend over at the waist in the shower and scrub my hair instead of having to keep my arms lifted up to my head the whole time. Since I have scoliosis, it’s hard to keep my left arm up reaching my head anyway. If a chore is too taxing for me to do it all at once, I will break up in steps. Vacuuming and cleaning a bathroom tub are the hardest for me. I’ll vacuum one room and then sit down for a bit and then do another room. I may not even be able to complete all the carpeted rooms in my house in one day. I just do what I can do and be happy with that. My next biggest project will be to organize my craft room.
Thank you Chris Kyle for serving our great nation! You were not just the most deadliest sniper but a father, a husband, and a friend to many. Your memory and good deeds will live on forever. May you rest in peace.
I wanted to start this post on my blog with the above words I wrote. I truly appreciate all those who serve this great nation of the United States and give up of themselves the time and sacrifice to ensure our way of life. Freedom is never free. It has been paid for by the strength and fortitude of good men and women who defend our nation on a daily basis. I offer my thanks to all those who serve in the military and those who are dedicated to standing watch throughout the night to protect all of us from harms way. God bless you.
I gotta tell you… I’m tired. My day started out like the usual day. I roll out of bed after being attacked with puppy kisses. He loves squirming in near to flop either next to me in bed or lying his neck across my neck. Yeah, it kind of makes it hard for me to breathe but the love from him is worth the difficulty. lol! Anyway, after grumbling a bit about not wanting to get out of bed, I do it anyway to start my day. I know I have errands I had to get done but should I do them first or take my medicine first (which includes my dreaded diuretic)? Ok ok… I was a good girl and took my medicine first but I crocheted while it took its 2 hour long process of working its magic of ridding me of excess fluid in my body. So, YEA for less fluid retention!
I finally kicked myself out the door to get my errands done. Yes, I left some dishes in the sink but I really needed to get to the bank and get some grocery shopping done before K got home. Normally he does this stuff with me. When in my car at the bank (the drive-thru rocks!) a great song came on the radio (Come Sail Away) that made me feel really upbeat. It’s amazing how a song can really change your outlook towards the day! Right? Anyway, after the bank I headed to the grocery store and saw a person who was standing on the side of the road advertising for a local business. He was dressed in a costume and was waving to everyone. As I drove by, I started waving like crazy to him. It was fun and he saw me. It made me giggle. I even waved at a lady in the parking lot at the grocery store which made her smile but I think she was just surprised. Who knows! I was having fun! Some man even got a grocery cart for me. How nice was that?
After the errands were done (a whole two errands) and the groceries were put away, I’m beat. It would be nice to go to bed for a nap but I want to wait for K to come home from work first. I guess now that I’m feeling a little rested because I sat down to type this post out, I’ll attack the dishes after I unload the dishpit. Wish me luck and don’t forget to FOLLOW my blog!