I was so scared…

Living on Oxygen for Life

Photo on 2013-02-14 at 13.52 #3

Yes, I was so scared but not for a life or death moment. It was that I was scared that Valentine’s Day would feel like a flop to me because I didn’t know if I would be well. I sometimes play these little internal battles with myself about things that I look forward to. But when the time comes, I tend to sabotage them. I get so worried about what could happen before a possible fun event if I get too tired, that things just fall apart before the event happens. I hope I’m making sense.

If you read yesterday’s post, you’ll know that I had a migraine headache. Those effect my heart rate, breathing and endurance. I didn’t know how I would feel today. When I get worried like that, I will start procrastinating the planning of what I will do to make that day or event great for me and my husband. However, today I surprised even myself. I woke up and immediately got out of bed. Sorry puppy for missing our usual bonding morning ritual. I put it in my mind that I was going to do this thing called Valentine’s Day celebration! First thing first, I texted my husband to ask his ETA on arriving home. Then the first snag occurred. Mother of Pearl!!!!!! (thanks Spongebob! I love that swear!) Oh yes, it is Oxygen Refill day. Time to rearrange my schedule for the day… sigh

I’m thinking to myself, weighing all things and deciding what is priority. Do I really want to go to the movies today or can I hold out for a Saturday showing of “A Good Day to Die”? Strange title for a movie, I know… =o) Anyhoo, I went to the pharmacy and the grocery store because I forgot to buy lemons and while there (I went to Walmart — one stop shopping) I bought MORE yarn! YEA! A girl can never have too much yarn (if she’s uses it, that is!). By the way, I finished my last project: a Lapghan. You can see it in my “Hobbies” section. There’s no home for it yet. I’m still looking for someone who needs a hug. Ok, I’m getting distracted yet again.

I have energy today. I want to make dinner for tonight but K doesn’t know if he will take me out to dinner. He doesn’t know that I am willing to postpone the movie until this weekend. He’s not really into going to the movie in theaters but he knows how much I want to see this movie. After, Walmart, I hot-rolled my extremely thick and long hair which took 2 sets of hot rollers but I think it turned out looking good. Once again, all our plans revolve around the Oxygen refill guy and when he gets here.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

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2 thoughts on “I was so scared…

  1. I can totally relate to that awful worry about having enough energy for special occasions. It’s gotten to a point now that when I know one of my friends is going to visit from interstate, I’ll get all panic-stricken and anxious before they come, and pretty much tire myself out just with worrying if I’ll have enough energy to hold my end up in a conversation, let alone go anywhere with them. Self sabotage, basically. I read your blog and went, yep – I’m exactly the same.

    • Thank you for leaving a comment about this subject. This is something that I’m learning to overcome. Sometimes, I just tell myself, “Who cares?” and “Stop worrying over something that I create so much stress over in my mind.” When my family visits me, they know my health problems. So, they carry my liquid oxygen tank when we go places together, they drive me in my car so I can reserve my energy and they know they need to walk at a snails pace. But when it comes to vacations and doctor appointments, I actually start wondering if I really even want to go. Well, doctor appointments I naturally don’t want to go to them but vacations??? Who doesn’t want to go on vacations? So, I’m working on this problem of self-sabotage.

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