Living On Oxygen for Life
I’m feeling really emotional right now. I get this way when I have a migraine. It’s really strange. While the pressure and pain is so bad in my head and neck, something always breaks through that tough-girl exterior and tears start rolling.
This time is no different. I wanted to distract myself. So I picked up my phone while I’m still lying in bed and scrolled through Twitter. One post caught my eye. A 3-year boy had just died from Pulmonary Hypertension and a hole in his heart.
First, I was so sad for this child. Then, I got mad for this boy and then, I was confused. Here I am at 45 years old. I was born with 2 holes in my heart and with PH as well as some other major complications such as Scoliosis. There wasn’t any PH medication when I was a child. The doctors didn’t send me home with oxygen until I was 17 years old.
This is where I get confused. Why am I still alive and this precious child is not? I know my parents weren’t rich but they always found me the best doctors they could get me to. I’m sure they prayed A LOT over the years especially during surgeries and bouts of pneumonia.
It’s so, so… I don’t even know how to describe it, other than to say it’s almost mysterious how one person’s life connects to another and then to another. It’s almost as if we could be holding each other’s hand in a cosmic way. A chain of events. So, why did I survive when others did not? I’m not vain about it. I’m not more special than anyone else.
I may not see the reason in my lifetime. Perhaps, when I do die the Lord will hold my hand, turn me to look back on Earth and point, saying, “This is why.” I sure hope so. I just have to keep the faith and have a whole lot of patience. Until then, I’ll just keep on blogging.
I know that was pretty deep stuff. I told y’all I get emotional. At least I got that off my chest and now I hope I can start feeling better. I’m so ready to feel better.