My Rookie Experience in Trying a New Thing and How to keep life interesting.

Living On Oxygen for Life

The past few months, I have lost a lot of interest in doing a lot of things that I normally would enjoy. Part of it is from depression and the other part is a decline in health. I’ve slowed down quite a bit. I still “garden” but K waters the garden for me. I still crochet but it takes me longer to complete an afghan. I don’t leave the house on my own as much because it drains me a lot. But I still do it because I need to feel like my old self as much as possible. I get out of the house more WITH K than alone.

I try to find different things to experiment with to keep my interest and find the happiness I need to keep me getting out of bed while K is working. So, I look to Pinterest a lot. Recently, I’ve challenged myself into conquering Yeast Rolls. Since I don’t have a KitchenAid stand mixer or a bread machine, I thought mixing and kneading the dough by hand would wear me out. When I finally found a recipe the creates only 4 rolls, I thought… “What the heck! Even I can do THAT!” Right? So, my foray into baking with yeast begins. My first time I produce the 4 rolls but the crust was too hard and they were dense. The third time I tried, I found the perfect recipe! This recipe calls for more milk than water and 2 eggs. Wow! Who knew that these changes would produce awesome dinner rolls?

There are some people on my FaceBook Page (Living On O2 for Life) have seen my posts about my experience with baking yeast rolls and want the recipe of the rolls I made this week. So, here it is… I hope you understand my method of explanation:

Buttery Soft Top Yeast Rolls

3/4 cup milk
1/4 cup water
1/2 cup butter
1/4 cup sugar
2 eggs (room temperature)
4 cups flour + a couple of tablespoons if needed (I used all-purpose flour)
2 1/4 tsp of instant yeast (1 package or 1 pkg of active yeast)

I used instant yeast this time but you can use active yeast because I do the same process of proofing the yeast for either kind.

TIP #1: I use glass and tupperware bowls to make the dough.
TIP #2: When measuring flour, ALWAYS spoon it into your measuring cup without packing it in or shaking the flour down. Level off with a straight edge.

Combine milk, 2 tsp of the sugar (the rest goes in the big bowl) & water. Warm in the microwave about 30 seconds on high, stir and then microwave another 30 seconds and stir again. Test with a thermometer and make sure the liquid reaches approximately 110 degrees. NO HOTTER or you could kill off your yeast. (make sure you have the sugar in there for the yeast to eat!) Once your Milk/Water/Sugar is warm, add yeast and stir softly and set aside to froth & foam for 10 minutes. (it smells so good!)

Melt butter in the microwave in a small bowl and let it cool.

While using a blender (I used my hand mixer) to combine 1 cup of flour & 2 (room temperature) eggs and then add in the butter once it’s cooled but still liquid.

Add the frothy yeast/milk/water/sugar to the Flour/eggs/butter that you just combine with the mixer and use the blender while adding another cup of flour. By this time, unless you have a stand mixer, you’ll need to change over to using a rubber spatula to add the rest of your flour. I had to do this last part with a rubber spatula because I don’t have a kitchenaid stand mixer. Don’t worry, it’s not that hard or tiresome.

The dough will seem a little sticky after you incorporate the four cups of flour but it shouldn’t stick to the bowl. If you need a little flour, add it by the tablespoon. I only needed about 2 tablespoons of extra flour. It will be sticky but it shouldn’t stick to your fingers.

Let the dough rest a few minutes in the bowl (I needed a little few minutes of a break) and then knead the dough. I kneaded my dough in the bowl instead of on a countertop for about 5 to 10 minutes (closer to about 10). It saved me from getting my countertop dirty. I eyeballed how much kneading was needed by testing its stretchiness (something about a window of dough)!

After kneading, I just left the dough in the bowl and covered it with a Turkey Roasting oven bag since I had a box of them from when I thought I would try roasting a turkey one year. That didn’t happen. *rolling my eyes* The roasting bag fits nicely over the big, gigantic bowl I use to make the dough. I set the covered bowl in my warm garage (it’s in the 90s here now) and then the waiting started for the dough to rise to twice its original size. About an hour, maybe more, maybe less.

Meanwhile, I cleaned up my mess and read a book on my Kindle app while occasionally glancing at the TV. Yeah, I’m that good! haha! When the dough is twice its original size, I brought it back into the kitchen and pressed/punched it down. I used my cutting board and a 8-inch sharp knife to cut the dough in equal portions. You should be able to get 15 pieces that you can form into approximately 2 – 2.5 inch balls. Don’t over manipulate the dough. Just gently fold the edges under and pinch the bottom seam together.

Rolls after rising to twice their size.


Place dough balls, seam side down, into a Pam sprayed 9 X 13 inch pan. I put my pan with the rolls back into the Roasting Bag and moved them back out into the garage to rise again to twice the size. By the time they have risen, they’ll spread to fill the pan. Take them out of the bag, preheat oven to 375 degrees and used melted butter to brush on top of each roll. Add a pan or baking dish of water on the bottom rake in the over under the place the rolls will go. It helps to bake them with this water to make the tops softer. Bake for 13 – 16 minutes depending on your altitude where you live. They should be nicely golden brown on the top. When they are done, butter the tops again and sprinkle with sea salt (I used Mediterranean Pink Sea Salt). Then eat one! Or two or three! YUM.

Let me know if I made any mistakes or if you have any helpful tips in the comment section.

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Life isn’t easy… is it?

Living On Oxygen for Life

November 2016

November 2016

Throughout November and December, life was difficult because I was so depressed even though my sisters came for a visit on New Year’s Day. I finally got off of Tikosyn and back on Cordarone. I had to buy it from Turkey because the U.S. doesn’t produce brand name anymore. Don’t worry… I had the approval of my cardiologist, that I’ve seen for about 25 years, to take the Turkey Cordarone. So he knows me pretty well. Now that I’m back on Cordarone, I’ve started feeling more myself, as in my heart has settled down. However, I went through a month of feeling as if I had no motivation and all the Christmas stress was getting me depressed. K was noticing. It was definitely a struggle there for a while. I even stopped crocheting for about a week and a half. *SHOCK!* Whaaaat??? Say it isn’t so! I know, I’m surprised about it too. But don’t worry. I’m back at it and I finished the December Need a Hug afghan and have started January’s afghan! Yay! I still need to get the December afghan in the mail. Ergg… Sorry!

Because my breathing has been worse, I exchanged my 5 liter oxygen concentrator for a 10 liter concentrator that I use with my liquid oxygen. I still use a splitter that I can connect the two (concentrator with the liquid oxygen) to use together to make my liquid oxygen last longer. There’s another reason for upgrading to a 10 liter concentrator. I need a machine that will give me more oxygen for when I need it in the future. Plus, it will make vacations a lot easier because we will only have to travel with one 100lb liquid oxygen reservoir and one 75lb reservoir as well as the 10 liter concentrator. I’m thinking ahead for my future. You may be wondering why I still use my concentrator with the liquid oxygen bled in together. Well, the oxygen concentrator does not put out 100% pure oxygen like the liquid oxygen does. My lungs are very sensitive and they just need a higher concentrated level of oxygen. Plus, using 6L of oxygen from both 100lb reservoirs using the splitter (each on 3 liters) doesn’t last me a whole week. My O2 guy only comes once a week for a refill. I tried just the oxygen concentrator at 6LPM but everyday I slowly started feeling worn out. It’s as if I’d use liquid oxygen on 5L… I could do it but by the end of the day my body would feel weak and my breathing would be much more difficult. Here’s a picture of my splitter.

O2 spltter

O2 spltter

But now for the good news… K and I are planning to go to two concerts!! U2 and Roger Waters! K has been waiting for what seems like forever for U2 to announce a concert date in our area. The really neat thing that’s kicked me out of depression is that K has finally decided to help me do a MAJOR Spring cleaning. It’s not the type of Spring cleaning that you may be thinking of, but it’s more of the kind where you take all the stuff out of every closet and my craft room. We are sifting through all of it and deciding what to throw away, what to donate and what to shred. I have TONS of paper work to shred. We had to get an extra paper shredder so that K could help. The one I already have is slower and shreds less paper at a time. K is parting with his McFarlane action figures and he has a LOT of NHL series 1 thru 12 plus variants. (We are looking for a place to sell them. Most likely below cost.) We’re talking boxes and boxes of dolls. Oops! Did I just say dolls? I mean action figures. *wink* It’s good to get the house uncluttered. It makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something. I work on it everyday and even though it makes me feel exhausted, I don’t want to stop until my house is just the way I want it. Finally!

I plan on blogging more often. So keep coming back! Thanks for reading and stay well. *hugs*

What brought me to think about Suicide…

Living On Oxygen for Life

A good friend of mine wrote this poem and it really spoke to me. It’s about a topic that isn’t talked about enough. Please read this poem and then I’ll begin to outline my experience with this subject.

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN

What if we never wake
To see a smiling face
Upon our families lips
What else could take that place?

Your story has yet been told
But your fear is not just yours
That it won’t be heard again
Through your children’s wars

If you join the rested dead
Because the memories hit too hard
Your fable of what could have been
Will end, silent and barred

So do a favor not for you
But for those that stay behind
Never end your silent fight
For what you couldn’t find

Because all that’s lost is right in front
When you awaken a new day
That pistol’s meant to protect
Not take your life away

Be the one that won’t back down
And the parent that won’t say NO
Because when you’re gone it all goes numb
There’s no rewind for that low

The eyes that stare with crazy dreams
As you awaken from your past
Are the ones of the innocent child
That wants their parent back

When the words come out of you
That now is the time to go
Be sure your memories will not fade
When they sink you down so low

So live this life for those that watch
And do it as you should
But don’t be scared to reach a friend
That has been where you have stood.

Levi Bridwell
2-5-2016

Let me take you back to when I was nearly 15 years old and had just underwent a surgery that would change the course of my life forever. It was the most traumatic experience I have ever experienced in my life that left me with some deep emotional scars. The surgery I had, brought me so close to dying that even the doctor was freaking out (professionally, of course). He allowed my sisters, my parents, and my grandmother to come into the ICU two at a time to sit next to my bed for as long as they could bear to. I was a mess. My older sister was so upset that she started crying and had to leave the ICU. Her boyfriend stayed with me holding my hand. My little sister came in with our grandmother. I was so hot from breathing so hard that the doctor relented and allowed a fan to be placed pointed directly at me to attempt to keep me cool. I had a tube up my nose and down my throat to my stomach to pump out the flow of black bile that I was continuously vomiting up. I was dying and everyone knew it. Yet, I struggled to hold on.

When my little sister came in, and sat next to my grandma, she suffered quietly as she was always so sensitive to being cold. She sat in the direct path of my fan which was on its highest fan speed. I looked at her through the bed rail and I felt so bad for her. My heart rate was up to 200 bpm and I was sweating. I couldn’t turn it off for her. So, I did the only thing I could think of… I gave her my bed sheet for her to shield herself from the fan.

I will never forget the look on each of my family members’ face as they came to sit with me. There’s so much more to this story but I’ll leave it for another time. I just want you to remember this moment as I jump you forward a few years to when I was nearly 17 years old.

Life for me changed radically when I was nearing 17 years old. I started having blackouts. I wrecked my car numerous time due to blackouts, I tried working while I went to high school which made me continuously tired. I became hypoxic, forgetting homework assignments and where my classes were within the school. My psychology class assignment was to write an autobiography which pulled me so deep into depression that I would lock myself in the bathroom and cry. I started dropping classes that I didn’t need credit for to graduate because I was so tired and I was going to fail them.

With all of this going on, my parents had been divorced for about 3 to 6 months and we ended up moving outside my school district. We had to drive ourselves to school everyday instead of switching school which I do not think I could handle.

And then…. I got sick. Really sick. Pneumonia. I was so sick that I was carted off in an ambulance from my mom’s house to the hospital in the middle of a snow storm and stayed for 2 1/2 weeks making me even further behind in school. I had incompletes, Ds and an F on my report card with so many absent days reported that I remember thinking that there was NO WAY I was going to graduate from High School since this was my Senior Year. Plus, I had to quit my job.

Among all of that, my doctors realized that I needed supplemental oxygen at home at night. Everyday I thought about killing myself. Every. Single. Day. I doubt even my best friend knew I was thinking about suicide. So, I come home from a second hospital stay from rebound pneumonia and started my attempt to catch up on my school work. I couldn’t do it because I was such a mess. My mother came into my room to ask me if she needed to find some help for me. That’s all she asked and when I said, “No, I can handle my problems,” she didn’t ask anymore.

When I was like this, I closed myself off, became quiet, because any more added pressure would have been just too much for me to handle. I kept thinking back to the last surgery I had and the looks of my family and KNEW that I could never try to kill myself no matter how much I thought about it. I couldn’t do that to them. I didn’t think anyone noticed the turmoil that was going on inside me. Trying to deal with health issues, trying to graduate high school, dealing with a dysfunctional family life and more. I did graduate. My teachers passed me through due to my effort of trying. We moved to Texas.

Slowly my life started to change once I picked up an old Pentax camera, took long walks (finding a Pecan tree!), and learning to cook a few things for myself. I spent nearly a year just finding myself. Getting use to having my lungs needing supplemental nightly oxygen and learning to accept the future changes that will come. I know life will be ok for me but every-now-and-then I think of that surgery that very nearly ended my life. If I could survive THAT, then I could most likely handle the rest of this mess in my life. But, not everyone can, there are people out there truly struggling thinking that the only way out is through suicide. That’s not the answer. Getting help is the first step to finding your way through whatever life has thrown at you. Find a school nurse or counselor, a pastor of a church, a close friend or call one of the hotlines listed below and tell someone what’s going on that’s making you feel this way. Do it today.

Thanks to Lifeline Website, you can find information about what to expect when calling the Hotline.
National hotlines:

In the USA: you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline free from anywhere at 1-800-273-TALK.

In the UK: you can call the Samaritans anytime, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, on 08457 90 90 90.

In Scotland: you can call the Breathing Space phoneline, which is available 24 hours at weekends (6pm Friday – 6am Monday), and 6pm – 2am on weekdays (Monday – Thursday), on 0800 83 85 87.