Living On Oxygen for Life
What I’m about to say is my own opinion and my personal thoughts about Life. I don’t expect everyone to feel the same way or believe the way I do. I’ve experienced quite a bit in my life that’s led me to feel the way I do about Life. Life is magical. It’s mysterious and unpredictable but also glorious and such a gift. I will say that I do believe in God. I believe we are all here for a reason. To me, Life is like a chain of reactions. Imagine, if you will, that you were never born. Now think of everyone you know, everyone who has seen you do something, everyone who you’ve come into contact with by doing a kind gesture or even a fender bender. Now imagine if you are a mother who’s given birth to children. You have children because you exist. Now imagine all those people and what their life would be like if you never existed at all. How much impact on those people’s lives have you made? Most of those people you will never know what difference you’ve made but it could be a positive one. I bet right now you are wondering where I’m going with this… right?
For a while now, and I know I’ve mentioned this before here on my blog, I’ve really thought about my life as a whole. I’ve thought about the people I meet briefly and I feel a little guilty that I don’t remember them… though they certainly remember me. I think about my family and what their life would’ve been like if I wasn’t born.
I often question myself when I’m out of the house doing my errands, in doctor offices, or just out to dinner… why do people remember me. Sure I use oxygen.. But it wasn’t until I went to my pain management doctor, I started wondering about all of this seriously. He looked at my chart with all my health problems and we talked a bit. He said that he saw that I’ve been through so much and I seem to be such a pleasant, vibrant person who can smile despite what I’ve been through. Then he said that I’ve been blessed, truly blessed. I was like truly at a loss for words. This is not me tooting my own horn. I just don’t know if I see myself that way. So, I often wonder why people do see me in such a kind light.
There are two reason why I am the way I am. I’ll be the first person to admit to you that I am NOT perfect. I don’t believe anyone is. Though, I tell K that I’m perfect in every way. I do have depressing days. However, I spread joy (that’s what I call it) because it makes me feel good and alive and I hope with all my heart that it makes someone’s day better. Also, I don’t want to imagine what my life would be like if I couldn’t find a reason to smile. So, I wonder sometimes what would it be like if I was never born. And in wondering this comes the HOPE that I have made a positive impact on someone.
Life is more than me. It’s about all of us. We are all interconnected and we need each other.