And now for something new… drama! I realized this past weekend that I had a letter on my refrigerator which I’d slapped under a magnet back in October 2017. Of course, you all know me by now to think… “oh dear, that can’t be good!” If you’re anything like me, you stick important things on the fridge, right? You know, things you DO NOT want to forget. Especially if it’s from the health insurance company.
This important document I have stuck on my refrigerator informs me of a change for the new year. Don’t worry… I was thinking the same thing.. “but these people never give THAT much of an advanced warning.” Am I wrong? Of course not! So I put it on my refrigerator so I wouldn’t forget.
Well, I forgot all about it because my brain just doesn’t retain all the things that have happened since October. Life was happenin’ around K and me. How was I supposed to remember that my Specialty medicine for my Pulmonary Hypertension was going to be dispensed through a different pharmacy? This is the medicine that I have to get labs done every month to even get a refill of this stuff.
I can only say that it’s truly inconvenient and very stressful for a patient, who must take this life-sustaining medication, to have to make this transition at all. It hasn’t been a smooth transition to the new pharmacy because I never have an available refill of this medicine due to needing lab work done every month prior to calling…then wait as I listen to at least 5 minutes of elevator/on hold music, for a refill.
Now I’m stuck within the slow grinding process of the new paperwork and out of medicine. They are supposed to call me when the pharmacy is finished “processing” my account to set up a delivery date. Meanwhile, I’m at home with no one other than myself to blame and feeling like I am slowly suffocating. I’m very short of breath and it’s a constant reminder to never let this happen again.
It’s pretty hard to juggle everything that has been going on in mine and K’s life lately and to have this slip from my memory makes everything seem like a crisis to handle right now. So, when my husband asks me to handle something for him, I start feeling a little buried right now.
For sanity’s sake, I made myself step back to calm down. I’m making a list to prioritize what “crisis” I should handle first because when I start feeling buried, everything feels like a crisis. From there, all of this mess will start to look clearer. I hope! haha!
Living On Oxygen for Life – a repost from 2016 because this is so important to read if you are dealing with anxiety and control issues.
Over the past 10 years or so, this beast inside me has grown and mirrored the decline of my health. It all started with what I thought was constant worrying. You know… when you have to time how much your oxygen will last? Well, that can make you worry about checking your oxygen tank a LOT when you are out having fun. Then I would worry about how long my energy will last while I was out having fun. Can I walk that far in the mall or in the hospital for doctor appointments? Will K get upset if I need to stop to sit down for a few minutes. I know the last one is kind of an irrational worry. Of course K wouldn’t get upset but he did try to push me to walk a little further before stopping which only made me feel like he wasn’t taking my need to stop seriously. My health wasn’t as progressed as it is now. So, pushing me a little bit further was a good thing that K was doing. It’s just when I was tired and felt like I needed a break, no knows how I felt except me.
I turned all this worrying about so many things in my life into trying to control everything around me. I felt like I needed to manage everything so that I had enough energy for things that I had to do around the house and the things that I wanted to do with K. I wanted to know where we were going when we were out of the house, what route we were going, and even how K drove. I needed advanced warning when K wanted us to go out to have fun so that I can be sure to rest up during the day. But all that wasn’t working. Trying to control everything turned into Anxiety because there is no way that I could control everything, be happy and not irritate those around me.
It’s taking a long time to learn to let go of the control issues. K reminds me by saying that he “Gets it.” and “I will always take care of you. I always have your best interest as my priority.” It has helped me a lot with him saying this to me. I have to remind myself of what he said over and over because my memory doesn’t retain information as well as it use to. So, when I get into my vehicle with K, I will remind myself that he has my six. *wink* Giving up the control and learning to trust is a very hard thing to do for me because I feel as if I’m losing more of my independence. However, as long as we have fun in our lives, all will be ok.
I had a thought the other day about hair dryers. You know the ones that are handheld. Not the one’s that my mom use to sit under with curlers in her hair. I can still see her in my head sitting there with her rollers in waiting for her hair to dry. Wow.. She was a patient woman for beauty. She would while her time away painting her nails. She was skilled at that. Me? Not so much. *shrug*
My thought that I had was about a danger that I hadn’t thought of before. Mostly people know about the danger of not using or leaving a plugged in hair dryer near or in a bathtub of water. Yikes! Electric shock would ruin anyone’s day (or should I say life?). No, I was thinking about people who use oxygen while trying to dry their hair with that handheld hair dryer. It has a danger to it. Did you know?
Have you ever seen a hair dryer spark when you turn it on? I have. That in itself is dangerous because most people don’t clean the lint out of the vent of the hair dryer until it’s coated in the stuff. Now, we also need to remember about the heating element of the hair dryer. It glows red when you have the dryer on warm or hot, right?
Imagine yourself and how you use your hair dryer. Is it close to your face as you dry the underneath parts of your hair? Are you wearing your oxygen while drying your hair? I have to use my oxygen all the time. The thing is… I don’t dry my hair using a hair dryer but once in a blue moon (mostly in the Winter when I don’t want wet hair if I have to go outside). So, naturally, I didn’t really think of the danger that could happen if you mix a spark from a hair dryer and the oxygen that I or you use. In fact, at the website: Consumer Product Safety Commission, near the bottom of the page, it says not to operate a hair dryer where oxygen is being administered.
As for me, I air dry my hair. Using a hair dryer to dry my thick, long hair takes forever and makes me tired. Plus, I don’t like how it treats my hair. I end up looking like a fluff ball most of the time. Now that I have had this thought about the danger of using hair dryers with oxygen in use, I’m very cautious. I’ll admit that I still use one on RARE occasion but I know I shouldn’t. I hold the dryer as far from my hair as possible just to add an element of a buffer zone. I clean out the lint too. I make sure it’s in good working condition. I certainly don’t want a fire on my head!
Now, I’m not saying that you should use a hair dryer but if you still want to, I can’t stop you. Do it with extreme caution. Keep your hair dryer in peak condition and away from your oxygen. If it sparks, you’re gonna have problems.
Let’s be honest… I’ve missed blogging and I know it’s been since before my birthday (last month) that I’ve posted anything on my blog for you to read. In my defense, the last two months have been incredibly… what’s the word I’m looking for?… trying?…no. Hectic? You could say that. Let’s throw in challenging with a bit of a MacGyver twist and super stressful at times. If you wrap all that up and include my two road trips that I took (one to Oklahoma to see my family & one to South Padre Island for my birthday/25th anniversary), I have to admit, it’s been a pretty awesome adventure.
It all started with my birthday/anniversary vacation that we try to take every year. We both took turns driving down to South Padre Island which took us about 9 hours even while having to stop nearing every two hours (when K was driving) to get out and stretch our legs and walk the dog. Rocco loved sniffing new territory but I hated having to use convenient store or McDonald’s bathrooms. Not just because I never knew what to expect going into one of those things but also because getting in and out of the car and walking to the bathroom now wears me out and makes me short of breath in the worst way. That’s something new.
We made it to Padre and it was overcast but that’s ok because we knew Hurricane Harvey just past by and almost everything was up and running again on the island. Yay for us! Two days after we arrived, a boat washed up on the beach which drew everyone, including the Padre Beach police, to check the boat out. We should have set up a beach chair next to it and charged people for us to take their picture! It took nearly a week for the boat to wash up this far on the beach.
K and I normally go for a nice steak dinner for our anniversary celebration. But who knew that there wasn’t a restaurant on the island, nor close by on the mainland, that sells a good steak? Instead, we had a small party of two at our condo with a gigantic birthday/anniversary cake that K intended to share with the waitstaff had we gone to a restaurant. Thankfully we brought our big ice chest and I had some square foil pans to save the leftover cake to freeze and take home. You better believe that I ate it all once I got home (K had the last piece..darn him!). I LOVE birthday cake!
We really had a lot of fun and took a few goofy pictures. I was even a pirate! Argh! After ten days in Padre, it was time to go home and on the way home, the craziness began. We were north of Austin, Texas when it happened. I was reading and K was driving… thankfully. Our grill from the front of our van broke loose and flew over the hood and smacked our windshield and then continued over the top of the van. It scared us so bad. Thankfully, no one was behind us and we looked but didn’t see it land on the highway. We get home ok and called our mechanic to see what it would cost to get it replaced. $600! Are you kidding me? The thing was made mostly of plastic. K and I had the same idea… look on eBay for the part. K said he could fix it himself and I was, like, “You go Rambo…you get into that MacGyver mode!” Sure enough, it cost us a total of $200 and K attached it with no problems! YAY K!
What K didn’t tell me was that on the way home from Padre was that he was starting to see floaters in his right eye. Then when he went to work, he called his optometrist and they told him to come in RIGHT NOW. He had a detached retina. I was so worried because now he had to have surgery and this was his eyesight!. The first time I went with K to his optometrist, K told me that he had been telling the doctor about me because he has a daughter who has some similar health conditions. Let me tell you that I have no problem that K talked about me. I mean, I blog… so of course I don’t mind. I was really excited about meeting this doctor to learn more if he wanted to talk about it. Naturally, I knew this appointment was about K but I did bring a printed copy of an x-ray showing my scoliosis. This doctor was really neat and very personable. K and I really like him. But what excited me the most was his waiting room. Holy cow… the moment I walked into the building, I was thinking that EVERY waiting room should be like this one. There were crocheted afghans on a blanket rack next to the door and in each waiting area there was a card table with a puzzle to be put together. I immediately zoned in on the puzzle. K knows. I love puzzles and there was an older man sitting there working on the one I noticed. I just blurted out … “Oh yay a puzzle!!!” (I know you’re visualizing that.. aren’t you? haha!) The man heard me and started to get up saying that I could work on it. I told him to please stay and I can work on it with you. I told him that I love puzzles and this reminds me of when I worked on puzzles with my dad. Awww! I know, right? I was so engrossed that I didn’t even hear K’s name called by the nurse. What’s so awesome was that there was ANOTHER puzzle in the waiting room in the back! I was in waiting-room heaven!
K’s surgery went well but I wore myself out having to drive him to appointments and waking up to check to see if he wasn’t sleeping on his back for the first week after surgery. That was stressful but after the first week, he could sleep on his side but NOT on his back. You would think that it wouldn’t be a big deal but people move around while they sleep and K is accustomed to sleeping on his back. So, I had a lot of waking up to do to check on him. With everything that was going on with K, I truly had an eye opening experience about how much he does for me without complaining. He drives me to doctor appointments that are an hour away, he pushes me in a wheelchair when I need it, he takes care of everything in the background when I have migraines, not to mention doing most of the chores and all of the grocery shopping now…and most of this is done without me having to ask. I got a taste of what he does for me when I needed to take care of him for a change. I was definitely humbled and I gained a new appreciation for what he does for me. Not that I never appreciated it but my health is changing faster now, requiring K to do more and I don’t always see what he does for me.
Lots of love to you all! Don’t forget to subscribe to my blog to follow along! Leave a comment too! Have a great day!!!
Yay! I have a podcast thanks to the interview I did while at the Pulmonary Hypertension International Conference in June of 2016 and to Steve Van Wormer’s awesome PHAware Global Podcasts. He helps bring awareness to Pulmonary Hypertension. He gives those of us who have the various forms of PH an opportunity to share our stories of what it’s like to go through the process of becoming diagnosed and then living with this incurable disease.
I was pretty nervous about being interviewed. I hope you will check out this website that includes my podcast and many others’. You can listen to me here (so cool!!):
My podcast by PHAware.global to help spread awareness of Pulmonary Hypertension.
After you listen to my podcast, come back to my blog and click on the tab above, “Pulmonary Hypertension,” and scroll down to the section that says “My PH Story.” This is something that I wrote that includes everything I wanted to say additionally to what I said in the podcast.
This was a bad moment at the doctor’s office today. The doctor recently started having an oxygen tank at her office because I told her it would be a good idea. You know, just in case. Well, today was that just in case moment when my tubing snapped off as K was switching my tanks. We were all panicking until K remembered the recently acquired office oxygen tank (with cannula!) kept tucked away for emergencies. I had to hold my broken tubing onto my second full tank to try and get enough oxygen until they found another cannula. Thankfully, K moves fast and keeps a level head in a crisis. All I was in charge of was concentrating on breathing calmly until rescued. We have spare tubing in my van but that was in the parking lot 7 floors below. It would’ve taken too long to get it.
Life has a funky way of reminding me how fragile my body is but I can’t live in fear and never go anywhere. Lately, I’ve become a homebody because my breathing has gotten worse. I have to get myself out of the house more and I’m going I’m going to accept this challenge head on. Well, as soon as K fills my gas tank. I’ve decided that’s a “man’s job.” Honestly, I can’t handle the gas fumes. So, I have K fill my van for me.
What about you? Have you had some oxygen emergencies? Share your story in the comment section. Love y’all!
Throughout November and December, life was difficult because I was so depressed even though my sisters came for a visit on New Year’s Day. I finally got off of Tikosyn and back on Cordarone. I had to buy it from Turkey because the U.S. doesn’t produce brand name anymore. Don’t worry… I had the approval of my cardiologist, that I’ve seen for about 25 years, to take the Turkey Cordarone. So he knows me pretty well. Now that I’m back on Cordarone, I’ve started feeling more myself, as in my heart has settled down. However, I went through a month of feeling as if I had no motivation and all the Christmas stress was getting me depressed. K was noticing. It was definitely a struggle there for a while. I even stopped crocheting for about a week and a half. *SHOCK!* Whaaaat??? Say it isn’t so! I know, I’m surprised about it too. But don’t worry. I’m back at it and I finished the December Need a Hug afghan and have started January’s afghan! Yay! I still need to get the December afghan in the mail. Ergg… Sorry!
Because my breathing has been worse, I exchanged my 5 liter oxygen concentrator for a 10 liter concentrator that I use with my liquid oxygen. I still use a splitter that I can connect the two (concentrator with the liquid oxygen) to use together to make my liquid oxygen last longer. There’s another reason for upgrading to a 10 liter concentrator. I need a machine that will give me more oxygen for when I need it in the future. Plus, it will make vacations a lot easier because we will only have to travel with one 100lb liquid oxygen reservoir and one 75lb reservoir as well as the 10 liter concentrator. I’m thinking ahead for my future. You may be wondering why I still use my concentrator with the liquid oxygen bled in together. Well, the oxygen concentrator does not put out 100% pure oxygen like the liquid oxygen does. My lungs are very sensitive and they just need a higher concentrated level of oxygen. Plus, using 6L of oxygen from both 100lb reservoirs using the splitter (each on 3 liters) doesn’t last me a whole week. My O2 guy only comes once a week for a refill. I tried just the oxygen concentrator at 6LPM but everyday I slowly started feeling worn out. It’s as if I’d use liquid oxygen on 5L… I could do it but by the end of the day my body would feel weak and my breathing would be much more difficult. Here’s a picture of my splitter.
But now for the good news… K and I are planning to go to two concerts!! U2 and Roger Waters! K has been waiting for what seems like forever for U2 to announce a concert date in our area. The really neat thing that’s kicked me out of depression is that K has finally decided to help me do a MAJOR Spring cleaning. It’s not the type of Spring cleaning that you may be thinking of, but it’s more of the kind where you take all the stuff out of every closet and my craft room. We are sifting through all of it and deciding what to throw away, what to donate and what to shred. I have TONS of paper work to shred. We had to get an extra paper shredder so that K could help. The one I already have is slower and shreds less paper at a time. K is parting with his McFarlane action figures and he has a LOT of NHL series 1 thru 12 plus variants. (We are looking for a place to sell them. Most likely below cost.) We’re talking boxes and boxes of dolls. Oops! Did I just say dolls? I mean action figures. *wink* It’s good to get the house uncluttered. It makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something. I work on it everyday and even though it makes me feel exhausted, I don’t want to stop until my house is just the way I want it. Finally!
I plan on blogging more often. So keep coming back! Thanks for reading and stay well. *hugs*