With the new year… it brings changes.

Living On Oxygen for Life

And now for something new… drama! I realized this past weekend that I had a letter on my refrigerator which I’d slapped under a magnet back in October 2017. Of course, you all know me by now to think… “oh dear, that can’t be good!” If you’re anything like me, you stick important things on the fridge, right? You know, things you DO NOT want to forget. Especially if it’s from the health insurance company.

This important document I have stuck on my refrigerator informs me of a change for the new year. Don’t worry… I was thinking the same thing.. “but these people never give THAT much of an advanced warning.” Am I wrong? Of course not! So I put it on my refrigerator so I wouldn’t forget.

Well, I forgot all about it because my brain just doesn’t retain all the things that have happened since October. Life was happenin’ around K and me. How was I supposed to remember that my Specialty medicine for my Pulmonary Hypertension was going to be dispensed through a different pharmacy? This is the medicine that I have to get labs done every month to even get a refill of this stuff.

I can only say that it’s truly inconvenient and very stressful for a patient, who must take this life-sustaining medication, to have to make this transition at all. It hasn’t been a smooth transition to the new pharmacy because I never have an available refill of this medicine due to needing lab work done every month prior to calling…then wait as I listen to at least 5 minutes of elevator/on hold music, for a refill.

Now I’m stuck within the slow grinding process of the new paperwork and out of medicine. They are supposed to call me when the pharmacy is finished “processing” my account to set up a delivery date. Meanwhile, I’m at home with no one other than myself to blame and feeling like I am slowly suffocating. I’m very short of breath and it’s a constant reminder to never let this happen again.

It’s pretty hard to juggle everything that has been going on in mine and K’s life lately and to have this slip from my memory makes everything seem like a crisis to handle right now. So, when my husband asks me to handle something for him, I start feeling a little buried right now.

For sanity’s sake, I made myself step back to calm down. I’m making a list to prioritize what “crisis” I should handle first because when I start feeling buried, everything feels like a crisis. From there, all of this mess will start to look clearer. I hope! haha!

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The Beast Within… (repost)

Living On Oxygen for Life – a repost from 2016 because this is so important to read if you are dealing with anxiety and control issues.

Over the past 10 years or so, this beast inside me has grown and mirrored the decline of my health. It all started with what I thought was constant worrying. You know… when you have to time how much your oxygen will last? Well, that can make you worry about checking your oxygen tank a LOT when you are out having fun. Then I would worry about how long my energy will last while I was out having fun. Can I walk that far in the mall or in the hospital for doctor appointments? Will K get upset if I need to stop to sit down for a few minutes. I know the last one is kind of an irrational worry. Of course K wouldn’t get upset but he did try to push me to walk a little further before stopping which only made me feel like he wasn’t taking my need to stop seriously. My health wasn’t as progressed as it is now. So, pushing me a little bit further was a good thing that K was doing. It’s just when I was tired and felt like I needed a break, no knows how I felt except me.

I turned all this worrying about so many things in my life into trying to control everything around me. I felt like I needed to manage everything so that I had enough energy for things that I had to do around the house and the things that I wanted to do with K. I wanted to know where we were going when we were out of the house, what route we were going, and even how K drove. I needed advanced warning when K wanted us to go out to have fun so that I can be sure to rest up during the day. But all that wasn’t working. Trying to control everything turned into Anxiety because there is no way that I could control everything, be happy and not irritate those around me.

It’s taking a long time to learn to let go of the control issues. K reminds me by saying that he “Gets it.” and “I will always take care of you. I always have your best interest as my priority.” It has helped me a lot with him saying this to me. I have to remind myself of what he said over and over because my memory doesn’t retain information as well as it use to. So, when I get into my vehicle with K, I will remind myself that he has my six. *wink* Giving up the control and learning to trust is a very hard thing to do for me because I feel as if I’m losing more of my independence. However, as long as we have fun in our lives, all will be ok.

2017 A Year’s Review…

Living On O2 for Life

Life during 2017 sure has been interesting. K and I have found ourselves confronted with many challenges that mostly were unexpected, which usually is the case for us. However, there were a LOT of good, fun, adventurous times throughout the year for us too. Thank goodness… because we really needed them.

January 2017 started with a visit from BOTH of my sisters at the same time! It was shockingly fabulous because it’s difficult for the both of them to have the same time off with their work schedule and then they’d have to drive down to see me now. I don’t travel well anymore and they are starting to understand that a little better now. It’s one thing for them to know their sister’s health is declining but it’s another thing to actually see it first hand. January brought the gift that I’d been waiting for… Christmas cookies made by my older sister and frosted by me and my sister and decorated (little kid style) by my very adorable niece.

February 2017 brought all kinds of exciting fun planning of my vegetable garden. We tried growing new things this year, like broccoli, squash, and tomatoes. I tried to keep up with the garden but with my health and the Texas heat, it started to get me way too tired just trying to keep it watered. A couple of times, K would tell me to just go inside because he would see me struggling with my breathing. So, he took over the garden for me. He’s my hero!

If you haven’t ever grown your own vegetables, it’s a sight to see and it’s actually very therapeutic. No, really… I swear! In March, the potatoes and our two tomato plants were growing like crazy due to amount of rain we’d keep having! Yay!!

In March, K and I were shopping in Home Depot and my liquid oxygen tank flew out of the cart and landed on the cement. What a scene that was! K was so worried about me but I handled it amazingly well after I realized it still put out oxygen. Whew, right? By the end of March, I was harvesting my first strawberries! Yummy! In fact, K was so interested in my strawberries that he filled two hanging baskets with strawberry plants to grow some of his own. Wow. I’m slowly turning him into a farmer! haha!

In April, K’s Aunts and Uncles came down to visit but stayed with his mom and his aunt here in town. By May, I had a lot of tomatoes I didn’t know what to do with them. I mean, we could only eat so many slices of tomatoes on sandwiches and for salads. So, I looked up on Pinterest how to make homemade tomato sauce. The process was tedious and it felt like it took forever but it sure was a success. I even had to call my mom for advice.

I didn’t get to go to my niece’s recital or birthday party because I can’t drive myself that far alone anymore. It just wears me out being the driver for that long. In between the missed trip to my sister, to the time I got to go see them later in the year, K and I went to 2 concerts. We saw U2 and then we saw Roger Waters (think Pink Floyd). Those concerts were a gift from me to K for his birthday and Christmas of last year. We used my wheelchair and I a bought a cup holder that I could attach to the arm of my wheelchair from Amazon. It was SO handy.. so convenient and affordable! Yay.. we all love affordable, right? Going to the concerts with K reminded me of the old days of dating K. We had a good time dancing, singing and acting goofy back then as we did for these two concerts.

In August, my older sister road the train to my city and drove me in my van to her house. I stayed with her for 10 days and then she drove me home and caught the train home. How sweet was that??? I know, right? I have to admit that I missed K something fierce. After I got home and rested up, K and I went on an adventure to South Padre Island for our 25th anniversary. We hit every art gallery and tried various restaurants and did all kinds of fun things. It was a great 10 days but on the way home, the front grill of my van flew off and went over the top of the van. I’m just thankful that it wasn’t me driving because it sure was scary. We didn’t see where it landed and thankfully no one was behind us. I knew we should have taken Klondike, my rubber chicken (road trip mascot). We got an estimate to replace the grill but it was an outrageous price. K and I had an idea but we didn’t realize that we were both thinking the same thing until we started talking about Plan B. We’d the grill replacement part on Amazon, order it, and K thought he could put it on the van himself. So that’s what we did for so much less! I’m so impressed with K’s skills! Though, he’s not much of a car guy but he can fix simple things. My MacGyver, he was! *wink*

From October up to now has been rough, K has had a lot of trouble with his eyes that scared the ever-lovin’ bejeebers out of us. He’s had to have 2 surgeries and I needed to take care of him while he recovered. It reminded me of just how much he actually does for me with my health needs and all done willingly and without complaint. I’m so lucky. I have to mention that he’s got some great ophthalmologists. One of them has the most awesome waiting room filled with jigsaw puzzles that anyone can work on and even a blanket rack that has CROCHETED afghans! *shock* Wow! K said his doctor wanted to meet me. Apparently, K had been telling him about me and the doctor has a daughter with scoliosis like me. So, without giving names, I’d like to give a shoutout to her! “HEY! If you are reading this, here’s a big hello to you and hoping that you are doing well.” *hugs*

Christmas was great! I got to help K decorate the house with new creative ideas this year. We try to add new ideas every year to the decorations! This year we added 5 wreaths we decorated together, 3 hung in our family room windows and one for two large mirrors we have. I had to go at a really slow pace hanging Christmas bulbs, wrapping ribbon around trees, and creating my 3 wreath masterpieces but we got it all done in about 5 days. Hooray! And now it’s January 2018. We’re ready for a better year. *fingers crossed* We’re already planning some exciting things to look forward to which is how we stay optimistic during the tough times.

You can see the pictures I take if you look in the right column of this blog under the Instagram heading. You don’t need to have an account to see my pictures. I just didn’t add them to this post because it’s already so long.

Staying Active…

Living On Oxygen for Life

I AM SO EXCITED!!! K built me a second raised garden bed so that I can plant even MORE vegetables this year. He knows that my energy is waning but he is wanting me to keep active so that my lung function stays stable. Plus, staying active makes me happy even though it takes a lot more energy. So, this year, K has committed to helping me with my garden whereas, last year, he told me it would be my responsibility to take care of it.

Here’s some of my gardens:

I planted 8 seed potatoes this year.

Carrots, Broccoli, & Herb garden.

I know what he’s doing and I appreciate it very much. He’s getting more involved in hopes that I will be encouraged to keep moving which has declined over the last 6 months. In fact, we even went out clothes shopping for me last week. I normally hate shopping but I hadn’t had any substantial new clothes in years. I’m someone who will wear what I own for years before I become willing to shop for new stuff. Shopping makes me tired and again, K was so instrumental in helping me make shopping for clothes really fun. He helped me pick out clothes (because he’s SO good at! haha!), came in the dressing room and helped me get clothes on and off if I needed it, went out for exchanges for different sizes, told me to rest when he saw I was getting tired, AND told me, as I was showing off each piece of clothing, how much he liked it or asked me if I liked it or will I be comfortable in it. You see, I have scoliosis and clothes don’t always fit right. It can discourage me a lot when I go out clothes shopping. So having K there in the dressing room giving his opinion was SO helpful. He’s never gone into the dressing room with me before. So, yeah, he’s noticing and really trying to make a difference in my life and our happiness.

Today, I have February’s Need a Hug afghan being mailed out to a sweet lady, Linda. I’m still working on March’s afghan. It’s about half done. I hope I can finish it by the end of this month. I hope everyone is doing well. Much love to you all! *HUGS*

P.S. I just told K that I need a new Rubber Chicken. *sniff* Klondike’s (my current chicken) finally broke his neck *cringe*. It’s so sad because he’s been on some amazing adventures! When I get a new one, I will need help with naming him (or her). I’ve never had a girl rubber chicken before! Yes, I know I’m a bit strange about these chickens but they are our Road Trip Mascots. They go on our vacations with us for good luck. *sigh* So far, over the last 29 years, we’ve had Poke, Poke Jr., Mr. Chicken, & Klondike as our mascots. It really is a fun thing to do. haha! Like I’ve always said, finding something fun to distract me from my health, no matter how silly it can seem, is how I deal with life.

Well…. this is something new..

Living On Oxygen for Life 

This morning was all planned. I was going to wake up “casually early,” meaning around 9:30am instead of 10 or 11am and head off to get my labwork done for the month. You see, I still have to get monthly lab work to check my liver function because I take a Pulmonary Hypertension medication called Tracleer. However, for the past week, K has been off work due to cataract surgery in one of his eyes. He can’t lift anything over 20lbs for a week. Therefore, he can’t safely perform his job. He’s about to have his other eye worked on in a few days. 

Anyway, he’s been home and sees that I’m nearly awake when he recalls a VERY important factor about this month’s lab work changes that we were told by my PH doctor earlier this month. She wants me to have my cortisol level checked. I forgot all about that which is why it’s vital that betwixt the two of us, it’s handy that K has a memory like an elephant. Believe you me. I do not have a memory worth much at all. Even if I write things down, I’ll forget about it and then forget where I put my note once I actually remember that I wrote it down. 

So, I was scrambling out of bed, hot footing into the bathroom grabbing any color-coordinated clothing to wear on the way to take a speedy shower. K said I was suppose to go early in the morning. I’m freaking out because I didn’t want to delay my liver labs. I was running low of Tracleer and I can’t get those pills refilled until the liver lab results come back to the doctor. Thankfully, they usually get them the next day. But, I didn’t know how early I was suppose to show up for a cortisol lab. The doctor only said early AM which to me, that could be any various time in the morning. By the time I was out of the shower, dressed & ready go… K suggested that I call the lab first to get their interpretation of early AM for this new test. It was already 10:30am quickly approaching 11am (which happens to be my “I’m officially awake time. Let the day begin.”

So, I pick up the phone and call. I’m so glad I did. Before 9am, they said for cortisol labs. I hung up with a polite, “Thank you!” and then cringed. This is going to be hard. I’m going to have to drag myself out of the house early! It’s not even going to be for a doctor appointment…THAT, I would understand. But just for labs. Ugh! haha! I’m going to have to think of a good reward for tomorrow morning. Any suggestions?

I know I’ve seemed absent lately on my blog. I do respond to email, Facebook posts, comments of my blog here. I’m not gone at all. In between all of this, I am crocheting the Need a Hug afghans, which I have one to send out. Plus, K finished my second raised garden bed that I planted 8 seed potatoes in (so excited!) which leaves me with my other 2’x6′ bed & my 3’x4′ bed to plant vegetables in. I did plant 2 tomato plants already. As soon I finish planting my seeds, K will help me cover them with netting. The netting really helped last year to keep bugs (and stray cats) away. 

I truly hope y’all are doing well. Let me know how you are doing. *Huge Hugs* to all of my readers & visitors. 

Getting ready for company..

Living On Oxygen for Life

This is how K looks out for me. He’s awesome. I meant to post this last year. I just wanted to show you that there are some really great spouses out there. There are so many things that are just too hard for me to do and that’s when K steps in and takes over. I love this man.

Me: (finally lying in bed with Bipap & oxygen on totally exhausted from working along side K to super clean the house) Thank you so much for your help K.

K: (while mopping the hallway) Is the music too loud?

Me: No. Right now I don’t care about the music or the light being on. I’m exhausted. What you’re doing is so appreciated.

K: (stops mopping) This is what you wanted done.. What you needed, right?

Me: What you’ve done is awesome. You’ve gone above my expectations. Thank you.

Life isn’t easy… is it?

Living On Oxygen for Life

November 2016

November 2016

Throughout November and December, life was difficult because I was so depressed even though my sisters came for a visit on New Year’s Day. I finally got off of Tikosyn and back on Cordarone. I had to buy it from Turkey because the U.S. doesn’t produce brand name anymore. Don’t worry… I had the approval of my cardiologist, that I’ve seen for about 25 years, to take the Turkey Cordarone. So he knows me pretty well. Now that I’m back on Cordarone, I’ve started feeling more myself, as in my heart has settled down. However, I went through a month of feeling as if I had no motivation and all the Christmas stress was getting me depressed. K was noticing. It was definitely a struggle there for a while. I even stopped crocheting for about a week and a half. *SHOCK!* Whaaaat??? Say it isn’t so! I know, I’m surprised about it too. But don’t worry. I’m back at it and I finished the December Need a Hug afghan and have started January’s afghan! Yay! I still need to get the December afghan in the mail. Ergg… Sorry!

Because my breathing has been worse, I exchanged my 5 liter oxygen concentrator for a 10 liter concentrator that I use with my liquid oxygen. I still use a splitter that I can connect the two (concentrator with the liquid oxygen) to use together to make my liquid oxygen last longer. There’s another reason for upgrading to a 10 liter concentrator. I need a machine that will give me more oxygen for when I need it in the future. Plus, it will make vacations a lot easier because we will only have to travel with one 100lb liquid oxygen reservoir and one 75lb reservoir as well as the 10 liter concentrator. I’m thinking ahead for my future. You may be wondering why I still use my concentrator with the liquid oxygen bled in together. Well, the oxygen concentrator does not put out 100% pure oxygen like the liquid oxygen does. My lungs are very sensitive and they just need a higher concentrated level of oxygen. Plus, using 6L of oxygen from both 100lb reservoirs using the splitter (each on 3 liters) doesn’t last me a whole week. My O2 guy only comes once a week for a refill. I tried just the oxygen concentrator at 6LPM but everyday I slowly started feeling worn out. It’s as if I’d use liquid oxygen on 5L… I could do it but by the end of the day my body would feel weak and my breathing would be much more difficult. Here’s a picture of my splitter.

O2 spltter

O2 spltter

But now for the good news… K and I are planning to go to two concerts!! U2 and Roger Waters! K has been waiting for what seems like forever for U2 to announce a concert date in our area. The really neat thing that’s kicked me out of depression is that K has finally decided to help me do a MAJOR Spring cleaning. It’s not the type of Spring cleaning that you may be thinking of, but it’s more of the kind where you take all the stuff out of every closet and my craft room. We are sifting through all of it and deciding what to throw away, what to donate and what to shred. I have TONS of paper work to shred. We had to get an extra paper shredder so that K could help. The one I already have is slower and shreds less paper at a time. K is parting with his McFarlane action figures and he has a LOT of NHL series 1 thru 12 plus variants. (We are looking for a place to sell them. Most likely below cost.) We’re talking boxes and boxes of dolls. Oops! Did I just say dolls? I mean action figures. *wink* It’s good to get the house uncluttered. It makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something. I work on it everyday and even though it makes me feel exhausted, I don’t want to stop until my house is just the way I want it. Finally!

I plan on blogging more often. So keep coming back! Thanks for reading and stay well. *hugs*